Scary Movie 3 Review // Everybody’s So Creative!

I recently discovered that Scary Movie 3 is when the Wayans Dynasty exited the franchise. This felt like the Pepsi challenge in that I’m not a fan of either project, but I had braced myself for one brand and got something different. This installment is directed by David Zucker. Zucker was responsible for 1980s comedies like Ruthless People and The Naked Gun. So, while he’s no stranger to parody, his direction was a bit jarring after what came before. This is in large part because Scary Movie 3 somehow feels like the most paint-by-the-numbers entry of the franchise so far. 

Written by Craig Mazin (The Hangover Part II and The Last of Us) and Pat Proft (Police Academy and The Naked Gun), the movie is a step in a different direction. While it’s more polished than Scary Movie 2, the style and humor are glaringly different. While I wish that meant it was a better experience, it sadly isn’t. This installment also sidesteps any of the smart things The Wayans touched on in passing in the first two. Instead, Scary Movie 3 sets out to be that brand of annoying horror comedy that feels like my patience is being tested.

What’s Up This Time?

Becca Kotler (Pamela Anderson) and Katie Embry (Jenny McCarthy) open the movie with busty schoolgirl uniforms and references to The Ring. This opening bit goes on too long before we jump to a farm near Washington, D.C. We meet Tom Logan (Charlie Sheen) and his brother George (Simon Rex). Scary Movie 3 then moves into a Signs parody for a moment as Tom’s kids encounter a crop circle. It just so happens that Cindy Campbell (Anna Faris), who is a local reporter, is working on a story about crop circles. She’s also raising a nephew with precog abilities who gives us a few nods to Minority Report just because. Anyways, Cindy and George have a moment, and he invites her to see him rap in what turns into an 8 Mile bit that goes on for way too long. 

This is around the time I gave up and started counting all the references and waiting to see if Brenda (Regina Hall) would get anything fun to do. To be fair, this movie packs in what feels like 90 film references in a trench coat. While trying to clock those are fun, they limited Hall’s screentime and killed her character off too early. So Faris is left to carry this mess with an entirely new crew. Along for brief stints of this ride are George Carlin, Queen Latifah, Eddie Griffin, RZA, Method Man, and Redman. We also get Leslie Nielsen as a bumbling President Harris, which at least brought a smile in this summer of my discontent. 

What Are We Even Doing?

I have to begrudgingly admit that this is one of the more cohesive Scary Movie films. However, it lacks the sharp observations hidden in the first two movies. Which means there is nothing to latch onto here if you don’t find this kind of humor funny. It’s a slog and doesn’t even utilize Hall, who keeps trying to carry this franchise on her back. While a handful of the main actors do commit to the bits, there isn’t anything memorable for them to do. It swings from reference to reference while pleading with the audience to laugh in a way that feels desperate. 

Another issue I have with this is that it feels like watching a neighborhood become gentrified. While this is not my franchise and I’m not having a good time, there is a stark difference between a creative team laughing with me and one laughing at me. The insertion of Mahalik (Anthony Anderson) and CJ Iz (Kevin Hart) is a prime example. These two characters are clearly not written by Black people and feel like they are just there for the occasional “Black joke”. We meet them at the 8 Mile scene and then never shake them. 

This is especially annoying after Brenda dies and we are left with them as the supporting Black characters. Where Scary Movie gave Black stereotypes texture and felt like it was leaning towards a commentary, this one makes the Black characters even more one-note. It then shrugs and goes back to trying to convince us that Charlie Sheen still had anything to offer by this time. Was there no time to develop new Black characters because Scary Movie 3 had to meet some boob joke quota to impress its bully at recess? It seems like it. 

“I Gotta Dream to Have a Dream”

Once the credits rolled, I could practically hear TikToker @tanaradoublechocolate saying, “Everybody’s So Creative!” Her trademark signature after watching someone make a nasty concoction in a kitchen fits this situation. After watching Scary Movie 3, I feel that on a new spiritual level. At this point, I wonder why these movies continued after this point. Do audiences really enjoy them? Or are they just showing up out of obligation? Like a relationship that has run its course. Maybe I’m just a curmudgeon, and someone still finds this kind of soulless humor and formulaic jokes entertaining on some level. However, I’m choosing to believe nostalgia has led to a collective beer goggles moment. It’s preventing people from seeing what this really is because it’s hiding behind their memories of the movies it’s lampooning and the MTV era we thought would last forever.