Self-abandonment is death by one thousand small betrayals. Abandoning yourself can come in many forms – compromising on something that will make you deeply unhappy, over-committing, and not keeping promises you made to yourself like, “I will stop scrolling my phone and go to bed”.
Going home for the holidays just to keep the peace.
We Do It To Ourselves
The darkest ways we self-abandon are directly putting ourselves in harm’s way. As I started rewatching my winter horror favorites this season, I felt the familiar rush of all-too-relatable emotions when pressing play on The Lodge. Isolation, icy conditions on the road and between family members, and mental health battles set off by revisiting a religious past – it’s darkly comical to watch Riley Keough’s Grace and realize how much her plight mirrors our own.
Of course, we haven’t all been raised in a cult and/or are on the verge of becoming stepparents to children who hate us. But we do give in to demands from those who don’t have our best interests in mind. We stretch ourselves thin, then agree to visit with folks who set off our worst inner monologues. We deal with people who throw rocks andthen hide their hands. And ultimately, we wind up costing ourselves sanity that should be reserved for the dark days ahead.
You’re Not Alone
The plight of trying to appease people who wouldn’t pull us out of the ice if we were drowning is not unique to any one demographic. However, I find myself having conversations about it most frequently with women. The Eldest/Only Daughter stereotype is a meme for a reason. It feels like a part-time job to combat expectations thrust on us to be cheery and bright and The Most Prepared Girl In The Whole World. Add in the weight of a childhood we never got to have, and I’m proud of us all for not going full Grace-dealing-with-her-future-step-kids.
If you haven’t revisited The Lodge lately, I suggest it. However, only under the condition you are in a good – or at least stable – headspace. Instead of doing battle with the frustrations of Christmases past, ’tis the season to skip the tables we only have seats at out of obligation and cozy up with our own company instead.
Jamie Kirsten Howard is an actor who’s enamored with horror in all its mediums. She cohosts the Bloody Broads podcast and is one of the rotating cohosts of The ALTER Tapes.
Welcome To Self-Inflicted Stress!
Self-abandonment is death by one thousand small betrayals. Abandoning yourself can come in many forms – compromising on something that will make you deeply unhappy, over-committing, and not keeping promises you made to yourself like, “I will stop scrolling my phone and go to bed”.
Going home for the holidays just to keep the peace.
We Do It To Ourselves
The darkest ways we self-abandon are directly putting ourselves in harm’s way. As I started rewatching my winter horror favorites this season, I felt the familiar rush of all-too-relatable emotions when pressing play on The Lodge. Isolation, icy conditions on the road and between family members, and mental health battles set off by revisiting a religious past – it’s darkly comical to watch Riley Keough’s Grace and realize how much her plight mirrors our own.
Of course, we haven’t all been raised in a cult and/or are on the verge of becoming stepparents to children who hate us. But we do give in to demands from those who don’t have our best interests in mind. We stretch ourselves thin, then agree to visit with folks who set off our worst inner monologues. We deal with people who throw rocks and then hide their hands. And ultimately, we wind up costing ourselves sanity that should be reserved for the dark days ahead.
You’re Not Alone
The plight of trying to appease people who wouldn’t pull us out of the ice if we were drowning is not unique to any one demographic. However, I find myself having conversations about it most frequently with women. The Eldest/Only Daughter stereotype is a meme for a reason. It feels like a part-time job to combat expectations thrust on us to be cheery and bright and The Most Prepared Girl In The Whole World. Add in the weight of a childhood we never got to have, and I’m proud of us all for not going full Grace-dealing-with-her-future-step-kids.
If you haven’t revisited The Lodge lately, I suggest it. However, only under the condition you are in a good – or at least stable – headspace. Instead of doing battle with the frustrations of Christmases past, ’tis the season to skip the tables we only have seats at out of obligation and cozy up with our own company instead.
Catch Jamie’s last column here!
Jamie Kirsten Howard
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