2 movies you think you liked, but actually sucked

The following is a humorous hot take not to be taken seriously. It is a collaborative work and poke at each other between writers Alma and Dalia. If you find yourself shouting into the air what a fucking moron we are (combined mutant freak), remember that you probably hate some movies we adore and think deserve Academy Awards. It’s okay; neither of our opinions matter.

Have you ever loved a horror movie so much that when Twitterverse asked the ever-important question “What’s your favorite horror movie?” you can’t help but tap, tap, tap away your answer to the wistful cloud of social media? Well, we hate to break the news (not really), but that movie you love so much is actually pure crap. You have been tricked, bamboozled into believing that steaming pile of elephant dung is a masterpiece when in fact, it’s equivalent to the Spanish invasion of our ancestors’ indigenous home. 

These movies are not the worst of the worst or ranked in any particular order. We wish, instead, for you to figure out which is the worst based on how much you love it.

Hereditary (2018)

I can hear it now, but I need you to lean in real close so I can let you in on some hard truths. That movie sucked, dude. Just let it go. 

I love Toni Collette, and usually, I’m all about her projects. She is the reason I one hundred percent feel that people love this movie so much. She’s amazingly talented, and not that it should matter, but also one of the most beautiful actresses to grace our screens. Here comes a giant Sir Mix-a-lot juicy one for you, though. They made her look goofy as fuck. Crawling on the ceiling? Running like a toddler after hearing the words “what do you have there”? Why oh why would they make such a talent do some ridiculous B movie nonsense? 

And hey, before you start thinking I’m being elitist here, I love some trashy, B horror movie nonsense. The problem with Hereditary is that there was a great story here that got ruined with the horror spin. As someone who had an incredibly complicated relationship with my mother, I appreciated that the story didn’t shy away from showing us this authenticity in real-life relationships and the pain of losing that parent. When Charlie was killed, my heart broke, and I felt it so hard I had to take a break when watching this movie for the first time. This could have been such a beautiful movie if not for the ridiculous Paimon schtick. 

Sorry, people, but this movie sucks. On to you, Alma!

Midsommar (2019)

Are we picking on Ari Aster? I promise we are NOT. I absolutely love Hereditary! It’s a strange coincidence that when Dalia asked me to name a movie that I hate, Midsommar was the first to come to mind, especially when she is a big fan of this movie.

This was a film I needed to view with a random audience. Movie snobs (my very own flesh and blood), I am looking at you. I mistakenly said I was getting “Wicker Man” vibes, and then everything went downhill from there. 

I disliked all the male characters; their behavior was predictable, gaslighting, and condescending BS. Were we supposed to like them? Doubt it, but toss in the sex scene, and I could have just stopped the movie right there.

Florence Pugh was excellent! I wished for all the revenging and glorious murdering that came about, and I loved that so much for her character. Maybe I needed more of that. Now that I think about it, there should have been another half hour of her burning down the whole damn menpire. Yeah, it’s a word!