There are so many holidays to celebrate, and for many of us, Mother’s Day isn’t one of those. May 11th will come and go without a second thought, and we can deal with our own mothers any way we like. Personally, I had no contact with my mother for a few years before her passing, and I cope with humor. Also, I have the good fortune to be a good mother, all on my own. Sometimes, it surprises me how many of us still laugh and can bond over our shared experiences. There is no one to stop us from speaking our truths or laughing at our circumstances. I dwell in the land of the petty, and I feel great. Here’s to all the bad mothers who kept our lives spicy. Relax with a watchlist just for the un-mothered—Happy Mother’s Day to us for the good job we did taking care of ourselves.
Scream (2022)
Directed by Tyler Gillett and Matt Bettinelli-Olpin
Where You Can Watch: Paramount+
Where is Tara Carpenter’s mom ass at? Good thing Sam is there to help when Tara’s attacked by a serial slasher. This is a special pick for all the sisters who had to step up to play mother to younger siblings. I was lucky to have one, and there is nothing sadder than never having your mom show up for anything. I have a good laugh because they mention her mom a lot. Ma’am, Ghostface is on the loose, and they are after your daughters. Luckily, Melissa Barrera plays the big sister. Latina big sisters are always chingonas.
The People Under the Stairs (1991)
Directed by Wes Craven
Where You Can Watch: Rent Only (Physical media will save the world)
The People Under the Stairs scared me, and I cried when I watched it in my teens. The powder-white face of Mommy (Wendy Robie), along with her red lipstick, was in my nightmares. I know it’s not that serious, but my neurodivergent ass was terified of cannibalism and white people. Double homicide. You knew the mother was in charge of this household, and I am so glad I can laugh at her now.
Carrie (1976)
Directed by Brian De Palma
Where You Can Watch: MAX
Religious trauma, anyone? Carrie’s mom was the scariest thing about this movie. Piper Laurie did not have to go so hard at being the abusive mother. Hell, I still toss myself about with my dramatic rendition of Margaret White’s dramatic ass. All I will say is she deserved all that and more.
Ma (2019)
Directed by Tate Taylor
Where You Can Watch: Netflix and Fubo
Holy shit, I have never had worse full body cringe than I had watching Ma. Octavia Spencer, you were too good in this role. Remember, folks, don’t make friends with your friends’ moms. It’s weird. Ma has some life lessons for these teens.
Psycho II (1983)
Directed by Richard Franklin
Where You Can Watch: IndieFlix
Norman Bates is back, and Mother is long gone. But it isn’t Mrs. Bates who’s up to no good in one of my favorite sequels. Meg Tilly is here to help her own mother seek revenge for her sister’s murder. Maybe don’t put your daughter in a dangerous situation and have her charm a murderer. Terrible mom.
Friday the 13th (1980)
Directed by Sean S. Cunningham
Where You Can Watch: Kanopy and Pluto
I am in love with the classic Friday the 13th, and I was shook when Pamela Voorhees appeared on the screen for the first time. It was a helluva surprise, and that battle royale at the end is always the cherry on top. Okay, she was a good mother and maybe just a bad person. Sometimes a mother needs to seek revenge on her son’s behalf by killing a lot of innocent camp counselors.
Babadook (2014)
Directed by Jennifer Kent
Where You Can Watch: AMC+, Kanopy, Mubi, Plex, Pluto, Shudder, and Tubi
I only needed to watch this once and decided to be childfree. It was difficult for my children to understand. Seriously, this widowed mother is having a rough time, and her kid can scream in octaves so high only a dog could hear him. I don’t know if that makes sense because I am not a musician, but I wanted to cry just thinking about being the mother of this kid. Sometimes moms need a little “me” time, or they turn into monsters.
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
Directed by Robert Hiltzik
Where You Can Watch: Tubi, Pluto, Plex, Peacock, Kanopy, and Prime Video
WTF, Aunt Martha?! Everything is her fault, and cousins Angela and Ricky are raised by a horrible mother. The twist always makes you wonder what Martha had done to these children. Excellent slasher, messed up story.
Sleepwalkers (1992)
Directed by Mick Garris
Where You Can Watch: Rent only
This movie is much more fun than it ought to be. This sick tale is creepy primarily because of Alice Krige’s performance as Mom Brady and all the incest. I guess your sleepwalker son has to provide for the family because you’re being too dramatic? The best part is all the cats.
The Children (1980)
Directed by Max Kalmanowicz
Where You Can Watch: Prime Video, Peacock, Plex, and Tubi
I know it’s the zombie children who are killing all the bad parents and their families, but there’s a special place in my heart for Cathy Freemont. Chainsmoking, pregnant, hysterical mom just making everything worse. Ma’am, put down the glass and cigarettes and protect your youngest from the zombie children! Ultimately, I always forgive her for birthing Goth Baby, who shall rule the world!
Anyone else’s mom watch Mommy Dearest for tips? Anyone? Was that just my mom? Heal your inner child by going no contact this Mother’s Day. Watch these bad moms and have a good laugh. These momsters (I couldn’t help myself) set the example of how not to parent. So send yourself some flowers or have a bottle of wine. Celebrate making it through adulthood despite the shitty mothers. Un-mothered kids unite!
