Note: This column contains a frank discussion on suicide ideation.
Vampires often represent the repression of forbidden desire in film and literature. The dark allure of them has been present since Bram Stoker first released Dracula. In every adaption since, bloodsucking feels inherently sexual, and Robert Egger’s Nosferatu certainly does not shy away from that undertone. Beyond ecstasy, vampirism has always offered another thing that appeals to me: death. Relief.
ELLEN
Come to me. Come to me: A guardian angel, a spirit of comfort – spirit of any celestial sphere – anything – hear my call.
Many of us drawn to horror have an interest in the macabre. We are drawn to darkness. Some of us have an innate inner darkness that we feel has been present since childhood. More of us than we might be comfortable discussing have struggled with that darkness. I am among those who have had a shadow over my thoughts since I was small. I, like Ellen Hutter, searched for anything that could bring me relief from the daily thoughts of death. My two saviors have been acting and any film, book, or television show that can be labeled “horror”. How many of us found relief in the genre? How many of us finally felt accepted amongst monsters?
ELLEN
But I had never been so happy as that moment… as I held hands with Death.
Those who have never dreamt of death can fathom the idea of it as a comfort. To know that no matter the tragedies life serves us, we have an out. We are often ashamed of ourselves and the inability to find joy outside of these thoughts.
ELLEN
(whispered) He is coming to me. He is coming.
When we do share our thoughts of darkness, even people close to us can react the same way Dr. Sievers and the Hardings do to Ellen’s attempts at explaining her visions and convulsions. Embarrassment. A touch of fear. They can dismiss us with suggestions of medicine or therapy or just needing exercise, à la Anna Harding taking Ellen to the seaside. The distance our darkness creates between those we love and ourselves is isolating. We feel monstrous for our daydreams of ending things. Yet we continue to reach out for help, or else we’d not be here.
ELLEN
Keep away from me – I am unclean!
THOMAS
Never!
It is acceptance from those we love and who love us that keeps us here. We have grown so tired – fed up – with our own lifelong battles with our darkness that only the idea that others would suffer in our absence keeps us here. Thomas declaring that Ellen could never be unclean in his eyes is a beautiful moment in a bleak, plague-filled reality.
ELLEN
He is my shame! He is my melancholy!
It is within this reality that Ellen Hutter finds herself trapped. She must admit to her beloved that she invited the darkness in, that she is infatuated with this evil that horrifies others, and that it calls to her even in their most intimate moments. Orlok has tainted her deepest joys.
ELLEN
I care nothing of your afflictions.
ORLOK
Yet even now, we are fated.
Depression arises from a mix of genetics and life circumstances. Those of us who struggle with suicide ideation can feel its grip on us even in the happiest times. We feel it hunt and lurk. Ideation awaits us like an ancient predator who put its sights on us when we were unaware it could exist.
We may feel destined to suffer, but we are not – we are destined to find a way to win against it.
VON FRANZ
We must know evil to be able to destroy it. We must discover it within ourselves. And when we have, we must crucify the evil within us, or there is no salvation.
Ultimately, Nosferatu does not end with Ellen Hutter finding happiness as imagined by others in her life. She finds acceptance and peace. She defeats Orlok by serving herself up willingly as his final feast. I am not suggesting giving in to the darkness, but instead, study it, understand it, and find what will overcome its power.
It was always up to Ellen to face her monster, as it is up to us to face ours. May we feel an inner peace as we embrace the beast breathing down our backs and infiltrating our dreams.
You can read our review on Nosferatu here.
Welcome To Lifelong Affliction
Note: This column contains a frank discussion on suicide ideation.
Vampires often represent the repression of forbidden desire in film and literature. The dark allure of them has been present since Bram Stoker first released Dracula. In every adaption since, bloodsucking feels inherently sexual, and Robert Egger’s Nosferatu certainly does not shy away from that undertone. Beyond ecstasy, vampirism has always offered another thing that appeals to me: death. Relief.
ELLEN
Come to me. Come to me: A guardian angel, a spirit of comfort – spirit of any celestial sphere – anything – hear my call.
Many of us drawn to horror have an interest in the macabre. We are drawn to darkness. Some of us have an innate inner darkness that we feel has been present since childhood. More of us than we might be comfortable discussing have struggled with that darkness. I am among those who have had a shadow over my thoughts since I was small. I, like Ellen Hutter, searched for anything that could bring me relief from the daily thoughts of death. My two saviors have been acting and any film, book, or television show that can be labeled “horror”. How many of us found relief in the genre? How many of us finally felt accepted amongst monsters?
ELLEN
But I had never been so happy as that moment… as I held hands with Death.
Those who have never dreamt of death can fathom the idea of it as a comfort. To know that no matter the tragedies life serves us, we have an out. We are often ashamed of ourselves and the inability to find joy outside of these thoughts.
ELLEN
(whispered) He is coming to me. He is coming.
When we do share our thoughts of darkness, even people close to us can react the same way Dr. Sievers and the Hardings do to Ellen’s attempts at explaining her visions and convulsions. Embarrassment. A touch of fear. They can dismiss us with suggestions of medicine or therapy or just needing exercise, à la Anna Harding taking Ellen to the seaside. The distance our darkness creates between those we love and ourselves is isolating. We feel monstrous for our daydreams of ending things. Yet we continue to reach out for help, or else we’d not be here.
ELLEN
Keep away from me – I am unclean!
THOMAS
Never!
It is acceptance from those we love and who love us that keeps us here. We have grown so tired – fed up – with our own lifelong battles with our darkness that only the idea that others would suffer in our absence keeps us here. Thomas declaring that Ellen could never be unclean in his eyes is a beautiful moment in a bleak, plague-filled reality.
ELLEN
He is my shame! He is my melancholy!
It is within this reality that Ellen Hutter finds herself trapped. She must admit to her beloved that she invited the darkness in, that she is infatuated with this evil that horrifies others, and that it calls to her even in their most intimate moments. Orlok has tainted her deepest joys.
ELLEN
I care nothing of your afflictions.
ORLOK
Yet even now, we are fated.
Depression arises from a mix of genetics and life circumstances. Those of us who struggle with suicide ideation can feel its grip on us even in the happiest times. We feel it hunt and lurk. Ideation awaits us like an ancient predator who put its sights on us when we were unaware it could exist.
We may feel destined to suffer, but we are not – we are destined to find a way to win against it.
VON FRANZ
We must know evil to be able to destroy it. We must discover it within ourselves. And when we have, we must crucify the evil within us, or there is no salvation.
Ultimately, Nosferatu does not end with Ellen Hutter finding happiness as imagined by others in her life. She finds acceptance and peace. She defeats Orlok by serving herself up willingly as his final feast. I am not suggesting giving in to the darkness, but instead, study it, understand it, and find what will overcome its power.
It was always up to Ellen to face her monster, as it is up to us to face ours. May we feel an inner peace as we embrace the beast breathing down our backs and infiltrating our dreams.
You can read our review on Nosferatu here.
Jamie Kirsten Howard
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