Scary Movie 4 Review // New Lows Have Been Found

This Scary Movie train has pulled into the station for the fourth installment. This one sees David Zucker’s return as director. However, Craig Mazin and Pat Proft are joined by the late Jim Abrahams on the screenplay this time out. While they are all probably lovely individuals, Scary Movie 4 seems even more removed from what the assumed demographic is. They begin to play into Charlie Sheen’s off-screen antics and use Viagra to get us our first dick joke of this entry. This is after the most bizarre use of Sir Mix-A-Lot’s Baby Got Back I’ve ever had to sit through. 

The throw everything at the wall energy is at a ten here. Like the previous installment, there is somehow less care than in the first two movies. Unlike the previous one, this goes back to being less cohesive as it’s more interested in a grab bag of references rather than a solid plot. There is a tasteless Brokeback Mountain gag, a tacky Michael Jackson is a child molester bit, and even Mike Tyson’s ear moment is beaten into the ground. I know I haven’t been enjoying my time with this franchise, but Scary Movie 4 seems like the lowest rung on this ladder so far. 

We Begin With a Shaq Saw

The obligatory Saw setup enters the chat this time out. We have Shaquille O’Neal and Dr. Phil in the traps, and watch this setup go to hell immediately. This opening sets up what can only be described as a lesser Tiny Toon Adventures rapid speed of attempted gags. Cindy Campbell (Anna Faris) checks on Tom Logan (Charlie Sheen) to give us exposition, and because someone won’t let Sheen go. Cindy apparently married Tom’s brother and is now a widow. She also sent that nephew away to school so he won’t be around this time either. Tom is in a hotel room with some ladies and a bottle of Viagra, so the franchise is starting to lean into the actor’s extracurricular activities . Maybe someone found it funny, but it feels annoying. After Tom finally dies, Cindy gets back to whatever this franchise thinks it’s doing with her. 

Does Cindy Have Purpose?

This time, Cindy is looking for a new purpose and lands a job looking after Mrs. Norris (Cloris Leachman). Obviously, Mrs. Norris lives in a haunted house next to Tom Ryan (Craig Bierko). This Tom is a single dad who will be Cindy’s love interest this time around. This gets a bit of screentime as Scary Movie 4 force-feeds us multiple haunted house movie references. The Amityville Horror, Thirteen Ghosts, and Dark Water all get nods, and that’s okay.

It’s when the film really digs its heels into The Grudge that it feels like it’s taking steps towards a specific kind of racist joke that made me want to reclaim my time. Cindy finally makes contact with Japanese Ghost Boy (Garrett Masuda) and their bit is saying a bunch of Japanese brand names at each other while the subtitles give us what should be said. I’ve tried to be kind, but this is the laziest form of failed humor. I hate that this was still accepted in the mainstream in 2006, and I kind of want to fight someone.

In Other Lazy News

Mahalik Phifer (Anthony Anderson) and CJ Iz (Kevin Hart) are back and worse than ever. Their Brokeback Mountain side quest drags on until it finally ends in a  Lionel Richie duet. This adds nothing to the plot other than proving that the filmmakers heard of the award-winning movie. Oh, and that they still thought gay jokes were funny. You may have seen my eyeballs roll past your house this weekend as I suffered through this.

This is on brand for Scary Movie 4 as we also get a “R. Kelly, don’t pee on me!” quip. Not to mention them interrupting their slapdash homages to have a Michael Jackson impersonator surrounded by little boys ask if Tom’s daughter has a brother. Mike Tyson also dons a wig and a halter top to help Cindy’s Million Dollar Baby flashbacks. I feel like I’m just listing what not to do as filmmakers at this point.

Let’s Wrap This Up

Brenda (Regina Hall) joins us almost forty minutes into the movie. However, try as she might, she cannot save this sinking ship. Her commitment is commendable, and I see why her scenes from the trial are the only things I have ever seen go viral from this mess. I feel bad for her,  Bill Pullman, Michael Madsen, and James Earl Jones for being at the scene of this crime. Zucker and the crew kind of do what they did in Scary Movie 3 as this begins to finally wrap it up. They insert a bunch of rapper cameos and break the emergency glass for another alien invasion. The War of the Worlds energy and nods feel fast and furious, and this alien attack feels even more forced than the one in the last entry.

Scary Movie 4 continues the franchise tradition of each movie being worse than the last. I guess that is my one true thing. Sadly, instead of being bad and cohesive like Scary Movie 3, or bad but with a bit of commentary like Scary Movie 2, it’s a new third bad thing. It’s helping me realize just how much potential the original Scary Movie had. Which makes it sadder watching each one stray further from the path.